"I'm under 30 and I'm divorced", 6 tips for youth divorce

2019-12-28 | KnowYourself original |

Some time ago, Qi Qi said that a debate was discussed: "I am afraid of marriage when I am in love. Now I have a bottle of" removal of fear of marriage ". Do I want to drink?

We don't argue whether this bottle of water should be drunk for the time being, but it really pierces the young people nowadays, when they face marriage, they generally worry and fear.

There are many reasons for fear of marriage, one of which is probably the high divorce rate. According to statistics from the Ministry of Civil Affairs, in the data released in the third quarter of 2019, the national divorce rate reached 43.53%, and the highest province was 70.56%.

It is worth noting that the trend of younger among divorced people is also becoming increasingly apparent. According to statistics, the proportion of post-80s and post-90s has far exceeded that of post-60s and post-70s.

This is also something I have noticed in recent years. Divorce has more and more friends. When facing family members to get married, our rhetoric may be, you see, no one else is married yet. Until now,It may have become, you see, those who got married have divorced.

In our traditional concept, marriage is a long-term and stable contractual relationship, and today, why are more and more young people choosing to divorce? Have their perceptions and views of marriage changed? Divorce is for themWhat does it mean and how will it affect their lives afterwards?

Today, we talked about this topic with some friends who left early in the year.

01

"The way of love is not necessarily sacrifice, but there is also mutual fulfillment."

Xiao Song, male, 27 years old

We studied abroad together, we share roommates, lived for more than two years, and received a certificate when we graduated. After returning home, we settled in Chengdu, bought a wedding room with the help of both homes, and lived together as a couple.Days, at that time we were all 25 years old.

I was very busy at the beginning of work, and due to the influence of the industry, we spend a lot of time on business trips. She does audits, and often a project is ranging from 1 to 3 months. I do market development in the tourism direction.It's not long, but the frequency is high, so we hardly meet each other.

Unable to live together is a flaw, the common discourse will gradually decrease, and the two will enter a strange and even awkward state.

In the past, we had endless words every day, but now we can only make video calls on a routine basis, from one or two hours, to half an hour, to ten minutes, and then later on the mobile phone may reply: IArrived at the hotel, ready to sleep, good night.

On the one hand, I really do n’t know what else I can talk about, but on the other hand, I really feel tired and incapable of running around frequently. Gradually, we all find that both people are used to not having each other in life.As time goes by, we have reached a consensus that there is no need to continue.

At that time, friends suggested that we change jobs, try to be as stable as possible, and live together. But we all understand that life is n’t done when two people stay together and need material support. If we are young, we give up for the familyA career that can see the dawn is not only an unwise choice for personal development, but also no guarantee for the future of two people.

In the end, we still chose to separate, bless each other, and no longer owe. Not everyone can perfectly balance career and family. When it cannot be both, we use a young, maybe immature judgment to chooseTo their respective careers. Love does not necessarily mean sacrifice, but it is another way to fulfill each other's pursuits and beliefs.

"Stop the loss in time, you have the opportunity to restart."

Xing, Female, 26 years old

The reason for divorce is simple, derailed.

At the beginning of the year, he said he was going on a business trip on the weekend and asked me what I was going to do. I originally told him I was going to my grandma ’s house, but there were classmates on a business trip to Guangzhou that weekend, so I went to Tianhe to eat with my classmates.At the mall door, he saw him at a glance who was supposed to be on a business trip in Beijing.

In the first reaction, I did not expect to be derailed. I dragged my classmates and waited for me in the distance to see if it was him and what he was going to do. Then I bumped into it and I still do n’t want to remember it.Scene: He waited for a young girl to meet, kissed first, and then carried the girl into the mall.

For a moment, it was like being struck by lightning, panic, shock, anger, nausea, and a lot of complicated emotions came up. We were less than a year old at the time of marriage, and our lives were very harmonious and happy. There was almost no quarrel. IHe never thought he would be derailed. He not only betrayed me, but also a shame on me.

But I am very sensible. I pressed on my emotions, followed them into the mall and took photos. When he returned from a business trip, all of them were thrown on his face. It was irrefutable. He first ate, then admitted, and started to ask meApology explained, at that moment, I even admired his calmness.

He said that it was always the girl who took the initiative to find him. He said it was his fault. He will treat me wholeheartedly in the future, but no matter whether he sincerely regrets or lied to me, derailment is my bottom line. There is no room for negotiation. OnlyStop loss in time to start again.

Divorce cannot be sad, you must leave a person who has all your emotions, and you must cut off such a deep connection, but in addition to emotion, this matter should be judged by reason. I know that for the first timeThere have been countless times, and even this may not be the first time, this is something in a person's bones and cannot be changed.

I'm actually very glad that I got married early. When I discovered the problem, everything was too late. In fact, when everyone encountered a problem with the principle, there was a chance to start again, just to say, younger, maybeThis decision can be made more decisively and without hesitation.

03

"A child may be a bond or a catalyst for a broken relationship."

Catlu, female, 28 years old

He loves me when he's in love, but he gets more and more lazy after marriage. We have more and more quarrels and emotional exhaustion, but at that time everyone said that this is a normal situation, marriageThat's it.

In the second year of marriage, the elderly on both sides are urging us to have children. I was originally a person who did not like children very much, but at that time I thought, maybe with children, his heart can come back. He did n’t.Against it, I thought that he should be looking forward to becoming a dad, and then full of joy in preparing for pregnancy and giving birth.

In fact, it's a face, our relationship worsens even after we have children. In fact, he almost ignored me when I was pregnant, and most of the time it was my mother who took care of me. But I always kept onComfort himself, he always warms up when he sees little life.

When the baby was born, I really had the illusion that he was beginning to lose heart, but that kind of care and joy may last for a week. Then he should still eat, play, and play games on the weekends.Play late and go home late.

There are more conflicts between us. Sometimes he thinks the child is noisy, so I blame me for not coaxing him. I asked him to change the diaper of the child, and he said that you ca n’t change it yourself when you are free. His attitude makesStep by step from chills to despair, I can no longer find any reason to maintain this marriage.

I mentioned divorce and it was full of scars. I can be unhappy, but my child cannot grow up in an unhappy family.

A new life may promote a marriage relationship, or it may accelerate the breakdown of a relationship. I feel that I am very selfish, sorry for the baby, he should be the crystallization of love, and it is never the one I use to maintain marriageTools. If you are not fully prepared, please do not just let a life into this world.

04

"How can I live together without sleeping?"

Esby, male, 25 years old

We knew each other blindly. My family got married very early, so I arranged for it as soon as I graduated. She is a conservative girl, and refuses premarital sex. I also respect her choice. This is what happened.You love me, I really love which accountants are more than that.

We received the certificate after about a year of treatment. Before marriage, I never had a moment of transgression, but after I got married, I started to find something wrong. She seemed to be very resistant to sex. At first I just thought she was not fit., But then she always find reasons to quit, "I'm not feeling well today," "I'm sleepy and want to sleep."

This thing hit me a lot. Is it my problem or is she having a knot? I talked to her frankly, and the conclusion seems to be that she is very cold and not very fond of this matter. The specific reasonI do n’t know, there is no way to solve it, then what else can I do, I can only bear with me.

But, do you endure a lifetime? I was still in my twenties, and I felt quite aggrieved. On the one hand, I was naturally unsatisfactory, on the other hand, I also felt that life was a lot less interesting. Marriage life was originally fineIn the daily life, without this thing between husband and wife, it is becoming more and more bland.

I mentioned my concerns to her, hoping that we could find a solution. Instead, she said that I did not have enough affection for her, and said that my thoughts were sloppy, and I was really helpless. Later, I was really not interested.Go home again.

In fact, we have differences, not only in the issue of sex, but the expectations of affection and marriage are essentially different. I ca n’t live a life that is purely supported by ideas and spirit. I think it ’s very important to face up to sexual needs.Important, this is a very important part of the life of a husband and wife. Of course, some people think that it is not necessary, no one is right and who is wrong, but they cannot live together. For this reason, it is not shame to separate, we all need to find their own suitable ones.people.

05

"The person who was wrong at the beginning will not be correct in the future."

Da Chancan, female, 28 years old

At 26, suddenly there was a huge age anxiety. Good friends got married one after another, and the body began to show various signs of aging, and it felt like the circle was getting smaller and smaller. I used to know almost all my peers, but now they are younger than me.Many years old partner.

Fears about the future made me suddenly think of getting married from a person who did n’t think it was okay to marry. I began to accept the blind date arrangement at home, that is, in this psychological state, I met my ex-husband.

When I first saw it, I didn't feel anything, and I didn't feel indifferent when I chatted. With the help of relatives and friends around me, I was under anxiety and brainwashing, and promised to associate with him in a dim manner.

I do n’t think he ’s bad, but I do n’t think it ’s so good. Anyway, with a good mentality that is suitable for marriage, we met the parents logically, proposed marriage, and got married. Until we got the certificateThe moment I was in the mist, there was always a feeling that I was being pushed into a marriage.

My bounce also occurred at that time. I got married, and then?

We moved to a new house after marriage. If at first I was just enthusiastic about him having no love, after two people get along day and night, I even got a little tired of having an extra person at home. After I go home every day, I will start to hope that he will travelOvertime, don't go home anyway.

Sometimes I look at him and can't figure out why I want to enter this marriage. The anxiety of never getting a marriage may include hope, but at that time there was no hope, only a strong sense of meaninglessness.

I mentioned divorce in less than half a year. There was no quarrel or friction. The people around me didn't understand it, but I really understood that feelings can't be cultivated. In love, people who are wrong at the beginning, It won't become correct later.

Regardless of how old a girl is, don't be constrained by the torrent of age and society. Life should pursue meaning rather than completion.

06

"Before you get married, you need to be in the door," and more after you get married. "

Lina, female, 27 years old

The two of us got married early, because we were together in middle school yes, early love, and we were together for seven or eight years when we graduated from college, so we got married naturally.

We grew up in one place, have similar backgrounds, and have been in the same school. When we were studying, we did n’t see a big difference between the two. In the eyes of others, it was a perfect match, but for more than three years after graduation,, Our lives have gradually opened the gap.

On the one hand are economic differences and different industries. I have higher wages and personal finances than he is too much. I originally thought that this was not a problem. Whoever earns is not profitable, it is all for the family.

But he's unbalanced, and he often talks yin and yang, which makes me uncomfortable, but also interferes with my work, does not allow entertainment, and travels on a business trip. He is particularly restrained.

The pace of life is not the same, my time is more free, but he has to work in class, five days a year, so I can only go out and play by myself. One is playing, the other is at home, I feel veryLonely and lonely, he still doubts constantly, and it's like I've done something wrong, making both of them unhappy.

He always feels that I hate him, and I always feel disappointed and sad because of this misunderstanding he misunderstood. Maybe in the traditional concept, boys should be stronger. Once they violate this rule, their self-esteem will be challenged.Family stability is also threatened.

In this unequal relationship, he not only cannot support me to encourage me, but also becomes a psychological burden. If I can live well by myself, why should I continue to aggrieved two people?

The reason for separation is never to blame him for his inadequate ability and not much money, but the difference caused by the material will indeed become larger and wider and extend to all aspects of life. It is forbearable and sad for me and for him.Suffering is painful, and separation is the best option.

Before and after marriage, you need to match, including material, vision, psychological maturity, etc., two people must have the same growth rate in order to live a longer life together.

The author says :

Actually, everyone ’s attitude towards marriage is becoming more and more open. Divorce is no longer as serious and difficult as it was before. If it is not appropriate, there is nothing wrong with choosing a divorce. Everyone has their own yearning for life.s right.

But if you can have more sane and comprehensive consideration before entering the marriage, it is a happier and worthwhile thing to enter into a marriage with each other to the old marriage.

To get to know someone, to decide whether or not to complete this life with ta, it really takes a lot of time and energy, but if one-sided, anxious to use marriage as a touchstone is not a wise choice.

Of course you can end an incorrect marriage. This is a timely stop loss. It is also brave and decisive. You may grow. You may have a more comprehensive and rational understanding of love and marriage. But all this., It is bound to be accompanied by the pain of growing up and the regret of emotional involvement with another person.

If you can, I don't want your awareness and understanding, at the cost of this.

We have freedom of choice in treating marriage, but we also need to weigh it carefully. If the person in the future is you, I think it does n’t matter if it is later.

KY author / 47

Editor / KY creators

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