How can I find a good life that suits me?
Last week, we posted an article on how to customize your private and beautiful life. After that, we received many comments from readers. They mentioned that it is not easy to live your ideal life. Sometimes there are some who want to do it.Because of the disapproval of mainstream opinions, I can only suppress and give up. I suppress myself and try to live a good life that the mainstream thinks is really a lot of pressure.
But at the same time, we also saw some fans share with us stories about not bowing to the mainstream and sticking to their heart. From these stories, I saw many unique and insights into life. So we found them.Some people chatted in-depth, hoping that their stories can inspire more people to dare to establish their own life attitude and pursue the life they really want.
"I don't like to think too much about things,
First, I don’t want to succeed,
Second, I don’t want to fail or fail"
Wang Fengchen, female, founder and creative director of FengChenWang, a pioneer fashion designer brand
I was not an art student at first, but because I liked it, my senior year of high school resolutely turned to study painting; later I was admitted to RCA because I wanted to do menswear, becoming the first Chinese female designer in the menswear department, and then I founded my own brand. This wayI have always had a philosophy: to do anything, neither think about success nor about failure.
Actually, I hope everyone likes my work at the beginning, but the teacher said at the time: Even if only one in a thousand people in the world like your clothes, do you know how much it actually has? This sentenceLet me understand that it is more important to make the people I like feel good than to satisfy everyone. I didn’t deliberately want to make explosive products or how to design more successful, but to focus on the design itself,Do it in, and bring beauty to others.
And “try hard to do what you want to do, don’t think about what will happen if you fail” is my habit all the time. Because what I always pursue is to do what I want to do purely, in the processFully engage yourself. When you can still be distracted to think about what to do if you fail, it means that you don’t really want to do it, and you have extra attention to think about things.
I like to do fashion design enough, so no matter whether I change my direction in high school or later become a brand, I am totally devoted and devoted. In fact, things that come out of this way will most likely not fail.
I often feel that it may become unnecessary to consider success and failure. Because this is originally defined by the outside world. In the future society, the "definition" will definitely become more and more diverse, and the boundary between success and failure will become more and more diverseFuzzy. Just like my brand is menswear, but 50% of consumers are women, this fuzziness has already reflected part of the trend. In the future, there will be fewer and fewer restrictions, and everyone can pursue what they like., And use this to feel that I truly exist and live.
"I never plan for the future,
Don’t worry about the future"
Anonymous, female, financial practitioner
The difference between me and most people is that I never worry about the future.
This attitude sprouted when we married my husband. At that time, the family conditions of both parties were not good. We were not only children. We just graduated and did not have the financial conditions for marriage. But we love each other enough and are willingHard work, I feel that we can be partners in life. As for how to buy a house or raise children, we have not considered. Because we have nothing. Instead of worrying in vain, we believe that the team formed can deal with future problems.
Shortly after marriage, he is going to work in the U.S., and we are about to be in a foreign country. This is a major issue that needs to be weighed in the eyes of others. We made the decision almost without even thinking about it. Because we have a consensus: as ordinary people with little resources,We must seize every opportunity that arises in our lives and invest 100%. We have a tacit understanding not to worry about issues affecting investment such as changes in feelings and when to reunite. Later, he developed very well in the United States, so I resignedHelp him with the work of a top 500 domestic company. A few years later, we returned to China together for development.
We slowly have a decent life, bought a house, and have children. Looking back, we didn’t have a life goal before making decisions about marriage or a foreign country, but those decisions contributed to the present. We are thereforeI believe that it is more practical to deal with the immediate problems than to imagine the future.
Now we don’t make plans for our children. We are still studying in China or in the United States, whether we should prepare a school district room, or what interest classes we have to enroll in. We just have to go with the situation and let him live as well as possible. We also hopeHe knows: When you don’t have enough resources to prepare for the future in advance, doing your best to deal with every current life situation is a better attitude to life.
"The best independence is to know how to trouble each other"
Zebra, male, Internet practitioner
My playmates were a few years older than me when I was young, and I often asked them for help. Later, my parents taught me that boys should be independent and don’t always trouble others. So I gradually decide everything by myself and don’t ask others.
A few years ago during the Spring Festival, my parents drank some wine and said to me: "We are old now, it is useless for you...in the future you will have to rely on yourself." Their expressions are lonely, and they think of eachThey were very careful when they contacted me. I realized that my independence makes people around me feel unneeded. It hurts them and our feelings.
I started to change. I used to buy the specialties of my hometown, and now I would ask my parents to send them to me; I used to study problems when I encountered problems at work, and now I would ask others for help, and I would ask them to eat again. I have received them one after another.When others ask me for help, I feel that I have a close connection with more and more people.
Modern society emphasizes independence, everyone is proud of not relying on others, but blindly pursuing independence may accidentally hurt the relationship and make oneself isolated. Being independent and dependent is a better way to get along, and learning to trouble others can help usTake this step out.
"It may be rare for a female lead to be a male lead, but it may work better"
Zi Shu, female, project manager of foreign company
When I was very young, I felt that mothers must do housework. At that time, I didn’t understand the gender inequality behind this. Later, when I came into contact with equal rights, I felt that everyone has the freedom to choose their own lifestyle.Within the Lord, it should not be divided by gender.
So in our house, I am breadwinner and my husband takes care of the family full-time. At first, we cooperated very well, but then I got tired from work. I saw that other female colleagues could resign and rely on my husband, but I had to take care of my husband.He was unbalanced and forced him to find a job. But he could not appreciate the value from his work, and his whole person was lost. We had to communicate again, and finally agreed: he is at home and actively contacts the society at the same time, better emotionallySupport me. I also saw his hard work in taking care of the family again, and did not judge him with the requirements of a "traditional" husband. After all, what made me like him at the beginning was his "anti-traditional" side.
I think that the division of labor according to gender is rough and easy, but it may make you miss the opportunity to communicate and run-in. There are not so many conventions in life. The key depends on whether you are willing to try and explore a way that suits you.
"The power that pushes me forward is actually to escape"
Phoebe, female, consultant
I have done marketing, published novels, did academia, and now work in an NGO in the Netherlands. What has pushed me all the way to the present is a somewhat "negative" word: escape.
Previously, I also thought it was bad to escape. When doing marketing, even if I didn’t agree with the values of profit-oriented and incompatible with the surroundings, I still forced myself to integrate. As a result, I started to have insomnia, my immune system became weak, and I didn’t have the energy to do things I like.To do, I can only quit. I spent 8 months traveling and writing, and finally “survived”. I began to realize that incompatibility may not have to be overcome, it reminds me to find a more suitable environment.
I decided to run away a bit more thoroughly, re-read my favorite social science major, and do research later. But after trying it out, I found that I want to do things that can actually change society. So I "ran away" again and joined the current animal welfare NGO.
Compared to business and academia, NGOs are not glamorous, but I am at ease because this is something I truly agree with. I am very grateful that I dared to escape at the beginning. Only by allowing myself to escape, can I face up to rather than suppress my current situationIf you are dissatisfied, you have the opportunity to find what suits you.
Of course there are costs to avoiding, such as letting down the expectations of my parents. What I can do is to communicate as much as possible. Now we all give up persuading each other, but as a result, we are closer than before. Because giving up means we really affirm our own ideasOnly in this way can we truly sincerely look forward to each other’s life.
"Maybe everyone is willing to avoid mistakes, and I am willing to magnify them"
Eunuch, male, fashion designer with the concept of deconstruction and environmental protection
From the beginning of contact with design, there are two keywords that run through my work: sing the opposite and "magnify the error".
Because I don’t like to overlap with others, I often sing against the tune. For example, I jump out of the system to become a designer; instead of taking root in a style, I will try a new style with some achievements. From Japanese denim to contact with pioneer brands, toEnvironmental remake. In the eyes of many people, I am a failure because I keep restarting and I have learned a lot of things. But I think this can be special and I should stick to it.
But then I got into the tip of the horns. When I design, I will pursue the ultimate, and I will not tolerate a single mistake, for fear that there will be something like others. I began to reflect on what was the original intention of singing the opposite? Is it really unconventional? No,It is because there is nothing I want in the "right choice", so I went on the "wrong" path. In other words, I don't care about being special, but whether there is me in the choice.
After I figured this out, I began to accept the mistakes in creation, and even magnified it. The line is not straight and the layout is not correct, I am not in a hurry to fix it, because that is what I made, and I will continue to do it.See what you will get. I gradually got many works that others would know from me at the first glance. I have myself in my creation, and my state is gradually relaxed and laid back.
I think that mistakes are a test of one’s self-will. Whenever there is a "error", it means that you are trying to meet the established standard. In fact, the so-called "error" contains your own habits, ideas and even creations.You should allow it to develop because it is yourself. In the process you may be contradictory and uneasy, but in the end your self-awareness will become stronger and stronger, and you will become yourself more and more.
The author of KY said: This interview makes me frequently excited. From the communication, I see everyone’s reflection on “conventional”, cherishment of individuality and brave exploration. More importantly, these explorations and reflections are not forSinging against the tune and singing against the tune does not mean living in a vacuum and disregarding the reality. Everyone strives to organically integrate their own life philosophy with reality, constantly aware of themselves, thinking independently, and creatively making their own solutions to reality.Solution. We also hope that these stories will enable you reading this article to see more possibilities in life, and finally find a comfortable and comfortable life that suits you. This is the end of the text.
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